This story was first posted by our friend Firebird a few years ago on our other site. I am reposting it here together with Firebird's original comments.

 

RED SKELTON’S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

 

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays..

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back..

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen..

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops..

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair..

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”..

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off..

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”..

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce..

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always’..

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her..

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”..

Firebird introduced these great one liner with these words. . .

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was clean, suggestive and he was a great entertainer.

A re-run of great ‘one liner’s’ from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more. . .Can’t you just hear him say all of these? I love it……..these were the good old days when humor didn’t have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the words… “God Bless” with a big smile on his face.

This post was edited by Deleted Member at April 25, 2013 7:16:11 PM EDT