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  • Topic: How to be a Northern Redneck

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    • January 27, 2013 8:41:48 AM EST
    • How to be a Northern Redneck

      You must always lie.

      Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic , such as “spike. ”

      Broads like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.

      If you don’t get sex whenever you desire, your balls will shrivel up. Enforce this rule at all times.

      The best sex position is you, lying face up… with three broads on top of you.

      Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine.

      Pick up line that works, “My broad’s pregant, will you go out with me?

      Tell this to your broad before you have sex, “Don’t worry. If you don’t have an orgasm, you won’t get pregnant.”

      Broads are your napkins. Use them, and throw them away.

      Remember, Every virgin broad is saving herself for YOU.

      Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don’t want to answer, a nice grunt will do.

      Life is just one great big competition. If you meet someone who is better than you at anything, either pretend it’s not true or kick their ass.

      Every sentence that anyone says can be contorted to have sexual meanings. Do so.

      Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what, it isn’t your fault.

      If whatever you’re doing does not completely satisfy you in 5 minutes, it’s really not worth doing it.

      Don’t wear matching clothes. People will think your broad picked it out, and it will cramp your style on picking up other broads.

      Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help- don’t ask. People will think you have no penis.

      “Love” is not in your vocabulary. don’t even think about saying it.

      Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have. Whenever you pass a reflective surface, check you hair, clothing, etc.

      Broads find it attractive if a man has had more broads than baths.

      It is never, under any circumstances your duty to take responsibility for any of your actions.

      Create new words and phrases to describe genetalia, sex, semen, breasts, and so on.

      Real men beat up others who are inferior. We don’t want inferior of the species to get to reproduce ever, do we?

      When you tell a broad about your past, it’s good to say, “God, I was such a pimp back then.”

      Here’s a good trick. Tell a broad that you’re going to leave and when you come back, you want her naked, sprawled on the bed. Leave,and go into her dad’s room and tell him he should go check on his daughter. Then drive like hell.

      If people express extreme disgust at whatever you are doing, DON’T STOP! This is the desired reaction.

      Basic fundamental rule of sex: Quantity IS quality.

      Play with yourself. Talk about it with each person you come into contact with on a daily basis.

      Drink lot of Beer. Then … drink more beer.

      Broads do not care what you do to them as long as they get to please you.

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