Can a single (woman or the many single men who have made their way into the lifestyle) really be considered to be true swingers?

Over the course of the past few years, at many U.S., and now Canadian Lifestyle clubs, single men have been invited to join as full fledged members.

Personally, I don’t consider these singles as swingers. As a matter of fact, I know of a single gentleman, a member, who has a girlfriend who knows nothing of his involvement … and by his design he plans to keep it that way. He’s just in it for sex. Anything wrong with that?

Are singles really swingers? Not in my view. How about yours?

I have been in the lifestyle for 8+ years now and must admit that I am currently "a single female". I do believe that just because I am now currently single looking for a mate that I shouldn't be tossed out or ostracized from the lifestyle community.

 

I am for obvious reasons looking for a mate who is "lifestyle friendly" and therefore what better place to find such a mate then in the lifestyle community.

 

I do understand and can appreciate that not all people who present themselves as "singles" are indeed single and it is a shame that they are able to gain access to the lifestyle so easily but we shouldn't penalize all "singles" for the misrepresentation of some!

 

I also firmly believe that just as most couples love and adore single females so are there couples who love and adore single males. So "live and let live" is my favorite saying when it comes to the topic of singles.

____________________________________

Are singles involved in this lifestyle "Swingers" Are two people acting as a couple swingers, well this is what I believe. I have been in this"lifestyle" for over 20 years.(Yep that makes me old, but it also makes me mature.) I know and personally have met many singles that indulge/partake in this way of life. Now of those people you can pretty much tell that they only want one thing, besides the obvious signs, drooling, hard and heavy breathing, and glossy eyes. Oh wait that is after the evenings fun and frolic. The best answer is, you have to decide yourself. If you want the third do you play email tag, wait for ever or take the chance. We all need to start some where and it takes quite a leap of faith to even allow another person to join you. So I say that if you have decided that they are "right" and will fit the part (sorry I know that sounds so droll)then they are swingers at that time. Does it make a difference if they are male or female, shouldn't because both sexes can be brain dead idiots. The choice is yours, but what ever you decide, play safe and be safe.

nuff said.

CB

This post was edited by Deleted Member at February 23, 2013 2:02:53 PM EST

I believe a swinger is neither a single or couple. A swinger is someone whether it be male, female, or couple who likes sex, pure and simple sex. I myself am single, and bi and like sex with either male or female or both. A couple who has sex usually does it for love, whether it is a male male, female female or a male female couple. Just my opinion.

Hey John thanks for that thought, you aren't wrong about the couples and love for each other. Takes a lot of love and trust to become a lifestyler. Though I think once you get to know quite a few of your fellow swingers that they if they are married are looking for more, a lust night if you will.No worries,no stress, just let loose and enjoy the hell out of it. But thanks for your opinion, everyone is welcome to theirs. What does everyone else think?

 Singles become couples & couples become singles.

 

Regardless of their status, couples & singles add lots of sexual energy for each other.

 

Do the math, last time I checked 2 singles make a couple & 3 people make a 3-Some which can be a lot of fun too.

 

So now tell me just who is the swinger who is the single? ;)

Hello Cookie, and btw I love cookies, errr sorry getting off topic, so on that note. Yes you are right 2 singles make a couple. But are those two"singles" together for just that night, are they always together. 3,4 moresomes are by far fantastic nights (Been there done that and got two T-Shirts a ball cap crap there I go again...now back to it!)The parties that I have known and talked to all pretty much agree lust is one game, love is another, and no matter how you look at it, two kind of friends, two good friends, bi,tri, or hitched will always enjoy that night. Though the game wears off quick for some. My mate and I have been together over 27 years and we still love and lust. Mind you  things hurt more now then they did before, and I do not mean your goodies from over use. Married couples can be singles,depends on their desires or kinks. Some friends can want to be couples. I guess what I am saying is that when you are a "swinger" it takes two to tango,boogie, get down and all those other cliches. What ever you do, play safe, enjoy and remember a night of fun,is not worth a life time of none.

 But are those two"singles" together for just that night, are they always together.

I don't need to know too much about their relationship, just their mindset. For me it's a fun & spontaneous  adventure. But I know there are couples who do have a check list & it makes them feel more comfortable.

Mindset is the most important part of this lifestyle, unfortunately some of the "singles" that I have encountered in my travels are not single. Hell spontaneous is a great thing, but not when the spouse shows up because the "single" has decided to not be up front. I guess what I am saying is that you yourself have to be the best judge of who you choose to be "friendly" with. I like to get to know most people first, otherwise you can and sometimes do get a very rude awakening.

cbandit,

 

Well said. 

I have never viewed singles as swingers. Consider this....virtually every single male would be hard pressed to turn down an opportunity for no strings attached sex. Therefore do we call all single men swingers? I think not. They are guys doing what guys do....LOOK FOR SEX. Any way, any how. They view a swingers club as a shortcut around all the bullshit they encounter at a "regular" club. The mindset is, they know people are there specificially for sex so why not tap into the possibilities. They are not swingers. They are opportunists.

Single women? I have no idea why they would bother given that they can go to ANY club on any night and hook up just as easily or post an ad on numerous sites out there with almost instant and copious results.

IMHO only couples can be labelled 'swingers'. All others are like the extras on a movie set. Background decor that enhances the experience if needed.

 

This post was edited by Sandra at March 3, 2013 8:20:08 PM EST

Sandra

 

I don't understand your reasoning.

 

Swingers can be couples(married or not) or singles.

 

Assuming swingers like to trade partners for sex, whether thry are coupled or single shouldn't disqualify them from being a swinger.

 

Well you can define swinger in most of the ways you want, after all we seem to take great pride in making the English language our own. So lets look at what a dictionary calls it

SWINGER

Sandra said:

I have never viewed singles as swingers. Consider this....virtually every single male would be hard pressed to turn down an opportunity for no strings attached sex. Therefore do we call all single men swingers? I think not. They are guys doing what guys do....LOOK FOR SEX. Any way, any how. They view a swingers club as a shortcut around all the bullshit they encounter at a "regular" club. The mindset is, they know people are there specificially for sex so why not tap into the possibilities. They are not swingers. They are opportunists.

Single women? I have no idea why they would bother given that they can go to ANY club on any night and hook up just as easily or post an ad on numerous sites out there with almost instant and copious results.

IMHO only couples can be labelled 'swingers'. All others are like the extras on a movie set. Background decor that enhances the experience if needed.

 

 

Finally-- someone who posted our thoughts completely ! Very well stated Sandra.   If single guys are swingers , then i was a swinger 30 years ago-- just didn't know it ! Swinging is swapping - in order to swap you have to bring someone to the party. Can singles play with swingers-- seems they do .But that does not make them swingers as well.

It's only swinging if it's even-steven tradesies? So. like, when a couple includes a third party for the evening... that's not really swinging?  Or is it that the couple doing sharesies is swinging, but the third party is not a swinger because they didn't bring the equivelant to the table.  By that logic only 4somes, 6somes, 8somes, etc are swingers - all the odd men out (or women) are not.

But wait... What if only half of the couple is interacting with the third party?  That's not exactly even.

And what if that couple consists of two people on opposite ends of the horny spectrum: one asexual person and one carnal person?  Even though that carnal person is in a committed relationship, is he or she not considdered a swinger because he or she doesn't bring the equivelant to the table?

And then there's that whole hard and soft swap option - intercourse = swinger, oral = swinger, handjob = swinger, foot rub = not a swinger... unless that foot fetish results in a happy ending.  I suppose it's the intention more so than the act that makes a swinger.

If a couple regularily attends clubs or parties but never opts to do sharsies... are they not swingers?  Voyerism is every bit as much a sexual component as exhibitionism.

Swinger is really just a label.  You may considder yourself one, or deny / label someone else as one depending upon how you compartmentalize their living arrangements and pursuits.

I like to think of it as simply enjoying being in the swing of things.  I don't label myself.  I'm not a swinger, a dom or sub, a tramp or a vamp.  I'm just me, a highly sexualized woman enjoying myself and the company of others.

 

 

This argument has been going on for as long as I can remember. I think the biggest opposition began to occur when there seemed to he a HUGE influx of single males into the scene when a lot of the clubs that were formerly couples only, began to allow single men in to some or all events.

It changed something and some felt they were being forced to accept the singles as part of the party whether they liked it or not. It got to the point where at CP/HH there were no longer ANY nights for couples only so no choice was given whereas before there were some nights for couples and some for couples and singles. There was a choice to include or not given what your kink or mood for the night was. I can tell you the atmosphere was different depending on if it was one night or the other.